From bad to worse..

When I reread my last post, I thought I sounded really negative. I was definitely venting. I have noticed though that I have been getting less harassments while walking past the food street we live near on the way to and back from school, which is encouraging. Maybe the locals are starting to notice that this rare Asian girl actually lives here. But maybe I shouldn't have been so hopeful. On the way to a café after hanging out in our library for a bit with my three other girl friends, I was approached by a man in the medina who would not stop talking to me, even though I was clearly talking to my friend Jessie and ignoring him. Normally, this probably wouldn't have bothered or affected me so much, but what the man said made me so upset. I seriously wanted to slap him hard in the face or punch him even. This middle aged raggedy guy said to me in clear English, "I have never kissed a Chinese girl before. Really. I have not kissed... " I kept talking over him to my friend, but he would not leave me alone and he kept trying to get my attention, acting like a complete idiot and repeating himself over and over. I eventually lost the guy in the crowds, but a minute later, he approached me again and was at it again. This time, he was saying something like "Just listen to me. Give me one moment, let me talk to you... " At this point, my blood was boiling. The guy was lucky I didn't do anything and walked into a store instead, pretending to look at the shoes. That finally did the trick and he was gone.

I know this guy was a stupid idiot who didn't deserve my attention or anger, but how could I not feel furious? In my past experiences in walking in a group with other American girls who are much prettier than me, I have definitely noticed that I am the one targeted out of the group. And it's not because I'm stunningly attractive or wearing attractive/scandalous clothing. Men make sure to weave their way into our obnoxiously large group so they can slip in a "Konichiwa" or "Ni hao," probably because I'm Asian and they haven't seen that many, if any, Asian women. It really annoys me that I "stick out" because I'm oriental and not the typical European tourist wandering around. I definitely miss the general accepting American attitude towards diversity. No one points at you or stares you down because you look different. People try and respect your differences. And if they do have any negative thoughts, they usually keep it to themselves.

Though this street harassment thing originates from past generations as a way of dating or courting, I sometimes feel like the attention I get can be equated to the attention men give to prostitutes. Tonight's comment especially made my blood boil. I have never felt so degraded, insulted, or disrespected in my life. I wanted to put that lowlife in his place and smack some respect into him. Who the heck did he think he was that made him think I could care the slightest bit about such a disgusting person? I was too stunned by it all to say "SHUMA!" to him (the Arabic word for "shame"). But honesty, shame on you, disgusting, perverted creep. I have never felt like an object used at the expense of men's pleasures. Feeling that way and also being generalized as Chinese (I am TAIWANESE. Asia does not just consist of just China) from an idiot who thinks I don't know what ethnicity I am seriously made me consider resorting to physical blows. I know, I know, sticks and stones break my bones, but words can't hurt me, right? But just imagine feeling like you're being called for like a prostitute by an absolute idiot who thinks he knows everything about you-- where you come from, what you want/are looking for-- simply because he can depict what geographical region you're from.